Saturday

The last couple of days have been pretty crazy. I'll just start with Saturday: Saturday Rhianna and I left the house by 10 o'clock to go by Target; to pick her up some shoes to go with her Halloween costume. We checked a week earlier, and they didn't have her size. They were suppose to be getting a shipment of shoes, and we were hoping they would get her size. We had already checked Wal-mart, and they didn't have a "pink sparkly" shoe in her size, lol. Rhianna had to have the pink ones to match her dress. Well we got to Target, and of course they didn't have the shoes we were looking for. So Rhianna started crying and wanted to go to another Target.
I explained to her that if she wanted to make it to Old Navy in time for the promotion they were having we couldn't go to another Target. She still wasn't happy, but I was finally able to convince her that it would be o.k. to wear her tennis shoes with her dress in Old Navy. In case you are wondering Old Navy was giving away a free T-shirt, and Candy to the kids wearing a costume. So we made it to Old Navy in time for the promotion.
We left there and went by Michael's to pick her up a sand art kit that she wanted to spend her money on. We were also going to stop in the shoe store beside Michael's, but it was closed down. So then we decided to go by the mall and look for shoes there, and pick up something to eat. We didn't find any shoes she wanted, but we did find food. So you could say we went home shoeless.

We were finally able to rectify the shoe problem later that day at a Wal-Mart in Greer. Well anyway I know I'm rambling. As you can tell we had a really busy day. Rhianna was going to a fall carnival that evening, that's the reason we were searching for shoes.
So after the Carnival, I was so thankful to be home. I was so tired, and I was ready for bed.
I was quite literally jolted back into awareness when I was helping Rhainna for bed. I was helping her with her pajamas and noticed a large knot on her leg, her leg was also considerably swollen. Because of the knot and her temperature was climbing we decided to take her to the ER. I was trying to reassure Rhianna telling her everything was going to be o.k., when I was scared out of my mind.
We arrived safely at the ER. We got her checked in and a nurse looked at Rhianna's leg. The nurse told us the Doctor would be in a minute. Well, I figured by there time it would be at least an hour. So I was scared yet again when the Doctor did arrive in about a minute. He examined her and order an ultrasound. The results came back, and we had good news. The Doctor told us it was an infected lymph node, and he prescribed her some antibiotics.
He also told us to have it checked by her family doctor in a few days.

I'm going to time warp to present and tell how she is doing. She has been running a fever the last couple of days. It spiked up to around 103 degrees last night and finally came down. She plays o.k. during the day, and is eating some. So I will be praying that the medication works soon. I don't think I will stop worrying about her until she stops running a fever, and the knot goes away.

I am so thankful for Rhianna. She is my precious daughter and I love her with all my heart.

I'm thankful for Steven I don't know what I would do without him. He keeps me sane.

I'm thankful for Kristy, she has been a great friend.

I'm thankful for my Mom and my MIL for listening to me on the phone, and worrying about Rhianna.

Things I'm thankful for today

Lunch at Kristy's house! I had a great time, and I hope we can many more lunches in the future.
I just hope I didn't scare her off by telling her a couple of the crazy dreams I've had. lol

Thankful for cell phones, without mine I would never make it anywhere.
I had to call Kristy and tell her I made a wrong turn somewhere. I am really going to have to look into buying a navigation system.

Thankful for my animals, they always keep me entertained.

Thankful that Rhianna kept her fish in the ocean. lol That just means she was well behaved in school today.

Thankful that my Mother in law is able to watch Rhianna while I go to training classes tonight.

Thankful for my Mom and brother. I haven't spoken with them in a couple of days. I will have to head over to there house tomorrow and check in on them.

Finishing up my thoughts

I'm going to finish up my thoughts from yesterday, actually the day before yesterday.

So basically I have been doubting myself. I have been wandering if I will be strong enough to do this type of work. I worry whether or not I will get too attached. I worry if I will remain objective or not. I have already told them that I will not be able to handle any cases where it involves a child the same age as Rhianna. I just feel that I wouldn't be able to remain objective in those cases. I worry about a ton of other things as well. If I get called to testify in court, I worry that I might mess it up completely by saying the wrong thing, etc.. So the list goes on.
The good thing I guess is that the two coordinators feel that I will be a really good guardian. So that makes me feel a little better.

So all the worries basically boils down to: I need to have more faith
I have to believe that God will give me the strength. Then I will be capable of doing what needs to be done.
Having blind faith when going into the unknown is always hard.
I have to have faith in God, and know that everything is going to be o.k.
I don't know the purpose. Let me say, I don't know what difference I will make as a Guardian yet.
I know I was moved me to do this. I just now have to have the faith and know that God knows how it will end.
He also knows why I need to do this, and that is enough.

man I know I have a bunch of typos I missed in my last post....

Have you felt the Holy Spirit move you to do something, and then you feel lost?

I don't know how much time I will have to write today, so if I don't get all my thoughts down today I'll write some more tomorrow. I always have a hard time putting my thoughts down in a way that are understandable.

So let me begin by saying that I felt the Holy Spirit move me to do volunteer work as a Guardian Ad Litem. If you asked me two months ago what I would be doing in the next months I wouldn't have had a clue that I would be going to training classes to be a Guardian ad Litem. I didn't really know what a Guardian ad Litem was. I felt moved to look for volunteer work, that's when I came across an ad saying they needed volunteers in our community. I called that Monday, and they were starting the training classes that very night. That was a confirmation that everything seemed to be falling in to place, that I was meant to be doing this. Then my faith was tested by me getting lost. I actually prayed, "God is this what you really want me to do? " I really was very frustrated and ready to call it quits and head back home. That's when I got my second confirmation, when my prayer was answered. As soon as I got finished with my prayer a lady walks up to the car and gives me directions that led me straight to where I wanted to be.

Let's talk about now.. I have been attending the training classes, and I have been struggling with some of the things that I have been hearing. I had to watch a video one night in training that made me cry. Actually I have cried a couple of nights after and during the training classes. Let me get around to why I cried. I heard things, unspeakable abuse towards children that I can't fathom. I was thinking how could anyone do these things. I can't go into specifics, it's just to hard. It's better I leave it at unspeakable abuse, torture is what I consider it.

So I'm thinking yet again, will I be able to do this. In the back of my mind I have a little voice saying look you can't even bear to hear these things or watch a video about it. The little voice is saying what must it have been like for these children. I am very insecure and I think how would I be able to help.

I'm going to have to finish my thoughts up later.. Even now thinking about it is making my chest tight and my thoughts jumble.

A few things I'm thankful for

I am thankful for my beautiful daughter Rhianna. She has had a really hard week. She got stung by a bee, and lost one of her animals in the same day. The animal she lost was her dog Maggie that stays at her Nannies and Papa's. It breaks my heart to see how much she is hurting. At times like these you wish so much you could protect her from the hurt by lying to her. I wish we could have said that Maggie was o.k., and she would be back home in a couple of days. Rhianna feels everything so deeply.

I am thankful for Rhianna's great teacher Mrs. Bridges. She has really helped Rhianna out a lot this year. She has figured out that when Rhianna gets bored, she won't stay in her seat. So she has been sending home higher level books, and worksheets home for Rhianna to do. I think that it's amazing that Mrs. Bridges takes the time to do this. By the time the first graders leave 1st grade they have to be at a level 7 in there reading, and Mrs. Bridges said Rhianna was at that level back in August. So it's been a challenge for her finding out what work to give Rhianna. I know the challenge Rhianna can be when she is bored. She gets in to everything, she is constantly on the go. So I am really thankful that Mrs. Bridges is taking the time to work with her. We had a hard time last year with her behavior it seemed everyday she was getting her light moved, which meant she wasn't following the rules.

I am thankful I get to hang around the house today! Nothing to do, it feels wonderful!

I am also thankful I have gone two days without having to wear high heels. For those of you who don't know I'm short. That leaves most of my nicer pants being at least 2-3 inches too long. So I wear heels to keep from walking on the bottoms all the time. I know I should just have the pants hemmed, lol, but heels are always a quick fix.

I am also thankful for all the wonderful people at Ridge Pointe Church. I am so thankful I found Ridge Pointe Church. I don't know where I would be right now without it.

Today I'm Thankful....

Today I'm thankful it's Fall!
I know it's been fall for a little while now, but the leaves really hadn't started falling off the trees yet. I love driving down the road, and driving through the leaves. I love looking in the rear view mirror and see them flying up off the road.

It's a feeling of serendipity. A feeling that all is right in the world. I have these feelings every now and then. Not neccesairly at times when all is right in my world. I could be very busy and bogged down with all different kinds of things. I could be running around the house, but then look over and see Rhianna eating at the table or looking at a book. The image of her at that moment just seems to freeze in my mind, like a still frame picture. I will remember these moments forever.

I wasn't looking for these precious moments at the time. They just come out of the blue unexcpected. I thank God for these precious moments, they are gifts from him.

Are God is a awesome God!